CUPLA FOCAL

Fans of football on our bloated island will have looked wearily up from their cold pizza to absorb the recent news from that icon of Irish language television, TG4.

Na buachailli at the Galway station have saved so much money by not having to buy any more guna nuas for Grainne and her sister that they can offer live coverage of our glorious eL league for four consecutive Fridays, beginning on Sept 1st.

As if this weren't enough beidh na daoine deas ag obair ar na FAI Cup games freisin, with coverage of Rovers and Bohs from the 3rd round, plus 2 quarter final clashes. Go hana mhaith ar fad.

It doesn't embarass me that you are envious of my mastery of my native tongue. But I'm obviously struggling with the Gaeilge! As a generous and thoughtful individual I have taken it upon myself, however, to offer the lazyarsed shites who didn't listen to their Irish teacher in school because they were 'never going to need it', a helping hand. Below is a limited list of essential words, accompanied by a translation and a pronunciation aid.

Referee: Reiteoir [ray-it-ore]
Goal: Cul [cool]
Midfield: I lar na pairce [ih-lor-na-porka]
Red card: Carta dearg [corta jarrig]
Yellow card: Carta bui [corta bwee]
Ball: Liathroid [lee-road]
Corner: Cuinne [coo-in-eh]
Whistle: Feadog [fad-ohg]
Manager: Bainisteoir [banish-toar]
Penalty kick: Cic pionos [kick peen-osh]
Jersey: Geansai [gan-zee]

See, it's coming back to you already.

I realise that some terms of abuse will be necessary but as these are oft associated with our most base emotions it's unlikely that viewers/spectators will take the time to translate their anger into the cupla focail. With some eager listening and basic practise by the time the TG4 games have run their course you may be capable of commentating as gaeilge yourself. Sin e.